Despite my earlier concerns that I wouldn’t get anything done today due to my kitten’s choice of sleeping places (i.e., on me), I did actually accomplish something. Yay, me. You see, approximately three minutes after taking the picture of Booker resting contentedly on top of me, ass-to-face (why do cats think we enjoy this?), he decided that was not really the spot in which he wanted to take his morning nap and abandoned me, allowing me to finally get out of bed and bake some muffins. Incidentally, the muffins are delicious and as I washed the dishes I drafted this speech in my head, should I ever make these muffins again and win an award for them:
Award presenter: …and the award for best banana-chocolate chip muffins goes to (pause for dramatic effect) ASHLEY REVEN!
*Crowd goes wild with applause as my delicious muffins rain down on them like big, delicious confetti*
Me: Thank you, thank you! (Tears would be streaming down my face, either because I’m so overjoyed, or because one of the confetti muffins hit me in the eye on my way to the stage. You’ll never know.) Oh man, there are so many people I would like to thank! First and foremost, I’d like to thank God for putting me here to make muffins. (BAHAHAHA, if you believe that I would ever say this, we are no longer friends. I just threw it in here because it seems as though that’s how just about everyone ever starts an award acceptance speech. Really, I would much rather thank my parents for getting frisky one night twenty-four years ago and creating me, but I don’t think an audience would be quite as receptive to this as they are to the mention of God. Bummer.)
Secondly, I would like to thank King Arthur Flour for their recipes, and Lynn for introducing me to them.
I must also thank Tim Peck, for taking bananas with you to work every day this week but not eating them, until they looked so gross that you just threw them away. Also thank you for throwing them away while still in a plastic bag so that they weren’t gross when I picked them out of the trash. Thank you to bananas for being in a peel so that it wouldn’t have even really mattered if you were icky from being in the trash, since the icky part would have just been the peel, which was thrown out again anyway.
Thank you, chocolate chips, for making everything you grace with your presence yummier than it should be.
And, I never thought I would ever say this, but thank you, vegans. You guys are crazy and you don’t eat some of the world’s most delicious things, including eggs. Thank you for not eating eggs but still enjoying baked goods and inventing ways to bake things without using eggs. If it weren’t for you, I would have had to put real clothes on and walk to the store to buy eggs, which I really didn’t want to do. Because of you, vegans, I did not have to change out of my pj’s, and my muffins are actually fairly healthy. (While I’m on the subject of healthy, I should also give a shout-out to Chia seeds, for being so versatile and healthy, and for making my muffins a superfood. Supermuffins?)
And last but not least, thank you muffins for being so tasty. I’m sorry that I didn’t have all the ingredients to make you properly, but you came out pretty damn good anyway. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be getting this award.
Sigh…if only muffin awards really existed. Since they don’t, you’ll just have to enjoy this other muffin-inspired wonderfulness instead: